49. (He’ll Never Be An) Old Man River – TISM

How the hell do you explain This Is Serious Mum? A band so self-sabotaging that it almost seemed like their version of career planning: who became popular despite always wearing balaclavas of various flamboyance and singing songs about car accidents, local politicians and drug overdoses, who got interviewed on MTV via fax and somehow ended up on Hey Hey It’s Saturday (with Saturday Night Palsy, of course) and The Panel before trying again to destroy their career by releasing their catchiest song ever with a name that ensured it could never be played on TV or radio  despite sampling the Flying Nun.

Maybe a list of their songs would help to explain them. I’m Interested in Apathy. A Hard Earned Thirst Needs A Big Cold Beer, But I Drink To Get Pissed. I’d Be Happier If I Was More Depressed. All Homeboys Are Dickheads. If You’re Not Famous At Fourteen, You’re Finished. Get Thee To A Nunnery.

Or maybe not.

Perhaps I should write about how my friend Linton (he of the wedding fame) went to see them play, they had a big screen up behind them and hand held cameras filming everything, and when they went off stage everyone assumed they’d be back for an encore until the screen showed them running out the back of the venue and onto a truck, with the camera sat down and the truck driving off with them all onboard: “guess they’re not coming back, then.” Or when I saw them play at the Horden Pavilion as part of the Big Day Out and they all wore balaclavas and fat suits, with a girl dressed as though holding the signs for the rounds at a boxing match, except that the signs were the titles of their songs. Or that Linton lived in a flat that used to be home for one of TISM, because he used to get royalty checks for them made out to Sean Kelly, which was the name of the singer from Models, and it’s (almost) certain that he didn’t play with them.

No, the best explanation I can find of them is to put up a clip of someone else pretending to be TISM, because it’s funny. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSjBMfXCnsM